"Itinerant"

My new blog at Wordpress:

http://www.brentvernon.wordpress.com/

C'mon over... Apologies to Blogger. :-)

Dying Blog.... New Birth Elsewhere

So... I think I'm done over here on Blogger. I recently started posting to another blog site. I'll let you know when I'm ready. Hehehe.

I'm a Dad? Nahh.

The last couple of weeks have been rough... busy travel schedule, prepping for months of travel, last minute (annoying) details with the new CD completion, financial pressure, concerns for family and friends, and - perhaps the most heartbreaking - the death of my friend Brent Bigger, my best friend in college, whose wife and kids were killed in January.

A few days before Brent died, I spent some time with him in Anderson, South Carolina. We had a great visit... I will treasure it forever! We talked for hours. Brent even reminded me about the time that we tried to write a song together. I had forgotten about it. I think it had something to do with being buddies. A friendship song.

Brent invited me to spend the night, but I felt the need to head back to Nashville, so I split. About an hour down the road I called him and apologized for not staying, to which he said "Well... you can come back."

I wish I had gone back.

I keep thinking about that.

I told Brent on the phone that I was sorry for not being a better friend to his family and went on to say "but I still have YOU." And I really was looking forward to seeing him later this month when I'm back in the Carolinas.

The news of Brent's death took a while to sink in. But I'm still grieving. I loved him. I miss him.

About a week before Brent died I had a strange, vivid dream. I dreamt that I had three kids... a 9 and a 10 year old boy and girl, and a 3-year-old girl who I was holding. They were sweet kids. I'm a very single man and know for a fact that there are NOT children out there that belong to me. But that wasn't really a factor or concern in the dream. I was talking to MY children for the first time.

In the dream, I realized that our little family was going to face unique challenges. But I LOVED these kids desperately... They were MINE and I would have been willing to take a bullet for them.

This is a feeling that I had never known. I'm in my thirties. Very single. No kids. No pets. No nuthin.

But all of the sudden, this torrent of emotion, these paternal instincts overtake me... I remember encouraging the kids, passionately talking to them, crying... "We're gonna make it!"

It was... So strange.

I sat at my keyboard the next day with tears streaming down my face. It was just a dream. Or was it? I still don't know.

But it helped me to see... in a different way, a powerful way... that I MUST live my life for others.

Brent's death reminded me of this. When I leave this world, I want to have spent my days loving on people... anyone who needs love... my time, my attention, my concern, my shoulder...

Anyway, these are definitely "Just keep swimming" days, but I am convinced that God is whittling away at me... Doesn't always feel good. But it IS good. HE is good.

Hi There... Blah, blah...

Hi there, Blogger friends...

I just thought I would leave a quick note for you. I haven't been hanging out too much over here. But, hopefully, that will change.

I am assuming that only a few people, besides some of my closest friends/longtime friends, actually read this blog... and that's actually kind of cool. Because I feel free to say things that I might not say over on Facebook or MySpace. Not bad stuff. Just stupid(er) stuff than usual. Most of you know me and will not judge me when I say that...

I feel so fat.

Between Christmas, the studio, nerves, gluttony, being away from the Y in Nashville, etc.... I am turning into a porky little man. My clothes are tight and I hate myself for that. I know that once this record is sent to the factory and a sense of abnormal normalcy returns to my life, I will return to my old disciplines. But... Jeepers!

Anyway... I don't have much to say. I'm just hanging in Florida... Doing stuff down here for another few days. On Monday, I'll dive into the booking process again. My new CD will be released late February and I'll start the touring thing again in March. I'm actually very excited to be on the road again!! And I've been getting calls and emails, so I'm very happy about that. Thank God for open doors. When I moved to Nashville, I found out just how blessed I am to be busy. Wow... So many talented folks really scraping to find jobs. I'm not totally sure why I have been so blessed, but maybe it has something to do with my willingness to come without asking for the best hotels, Mt. Dew in the green room, and a bucket of money. Phooey on that stuff. I understand that some of that is necessary for a theme tour with full production elements, but for what I do, I would be crazy to try to act like some kind of celebrity. I'm just a fool for Christ (Remember that, Julia? Stefan and Susanna Kosich?)

Nashville has been okay. I've made a few friends there, but I still feel like I'm not really part of that world. I'm not really in anyone's inner circle. That really is just fine. My music, and I guess my persona so much goofier, quirkier, a little more old school than so many of the great (uber cool) Christian artists coming out... I'm not really sure I fit in that community. But being in Nashville has challenged me to pursue quality all the more... and the opportunity to learn from wonderful musicians is certainly a great thing. But I am the most joy-filled in my ministry when I'm not in Music City. Hopefully, I'll get over that. When I get comfortable. I know that deep friendships don't happen overnight.

Well... I really want to get away from Lappy for a bit, so I'm going to be done now.

I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday. To those of you who are my friends (which is most of you), I LOVE YOU!! I am just so grateful for all of you. I have been SO blessed to have so many solid, wise people in my life. You prop me up in the hard times and to bring me such joy in our happy times together. I hope to see you again very soon.

To the rest of you who I don't know... Hi there. :-)

*this verbal flood was kind of fun*

Making Peace With Cincinnati

As I was on my way to pre-studio lunch today, my mix engineer called and told me that the sealer on the new flooring in part of the studio had so fumigated and stinkified the place that the building needed a few hours to air out. So I had a longer lunch... at Skyline Chili... for the THIRD time since I've been in Cincinnati. I LOVE Skyline Chili and wish I had the metabolism to hang out there more often.

Cincinnati is an interesting place for me. My parents met here at Bible college. I was born here - at the Christ Hospital - on Oct. 28, 1975. My sis and I were raised in Florida, but she lives here now as do a number of family members and lots of friends. I've been blessed to share quite a few concerts around town over the past 13 years. So many concerts, in fact, that I don't remember them all. I love so much about the Queen City.

I am a happy guy who has lived a relatively drama-free life, but not all my memories of this town are good ones. In fact, some of my darkest memories take place in the city. Emotional struggles, spiritual struggles, confusion, anger, loneliness, hurt.... I cried a lot of tears here on the Ohio River. And, for this reason, I made it a point to avoid the city for a while.

But God is gracious. And I have been experiencing a wonderful new season of healing, growth, God-discovery, and self-discovery. So many of my new songs were written during this time of crying out to Him. And, while I still deal with 'residue' occasionally, I have much to be grateful for. There is no room for hatred, bitterness, dishonesty, or duplicity in the life of a follower of Jesus Christ. There is a cost to following Him, but a much greater cost to going my own way.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

So today as I sat pondering (while filling up on a large 5-Way) -- and worrying a little about all that needs to happen in the next few days -- "Silent Night" came on. The phrase, "the dawn of redeeming grace" hit me hard. What a beautiful way to describe the birth of Jesus Christ! What a beautiful way to describe this season of my life! "The Dawn of Redeeming Grace."

I'm always going to have some kind of struggle. So will you. There will always be intense challenges. But there is Grace. There is Redemption. And in a world of chaos and brokenness, there is peace. I know peace. I know Jesus.

And - I don't mean to be too lighthearted about it - but that knowledge is WAY more satisfying than any bowl of Skyline chili will ever be! :-)

Merry Christmas, everyone...P.S. Don't forget to check www.myspace.com/brentvernon on Christmas Day to hear new music from my upcoming album!!

A Word...

Hey everyone... I just posted this on Facebook last night. I'm actually back in the studio now. Just sitting here as Don edits vocals and Riley Dog licks himself obscenely. Anyway... here goes.

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I don't feel like I have time for this. It is almost midnight. I need to be up early... well, earlier than usual. :-) I'm doing laundry, paying bills, and attempting to start packing for my holiday travels.

I'm leaving Nashville early Saturday morning and won't be back until the end of January. I have weekend concerts in Kansas City and SW Missouri. On Monday, I head to Cincinnati where I'll spend the better part of two weeks mixing my new record with the amazing Ashley Shepherd. Next weekend, I fly to New Orleans for a couple of Sunday concerts... The weekend before Christmas, I head home to Florida for the holidays. On the way, I'll be sharing a concert for my good friends in Covington, Georgia... near Atlanta.

I am SO anxious for some down time with my family again... I have missed them. And I miss Florida. This has been such a neat year here in Nashville, but I am anxious to feel the warmth and connected-ness of longtime friends.

In January, I'll be doing several dates in Florida... including my first stint as the "artist in residence" (what a title! - Haha!) at Cornerstone Community Church in St. Petersburg. This should be neat! After a few more weeks off, I plan to resume a busy touring schedule as my new album is released at the end of the month. Again, I am pretty anxious for you all to hear it.

So... that's that. Ahh.

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my family... my dad's side of the family... the Vernons (obviously) in Greensboro, Alabama. One morning, my sister came into my room while I was still in bed and she started talking about how Jesus lived His life solely for others. He spent Himself for others. Seems like such an obvious thing, but as I did a quick inventory of the things that drive me, I realized (once again) that even someone who considers himself to be a minister can be overtaken by the pressure to build his own empire while sacrificing a depth of concern for people.

Wow - I can be so apathetic! I get so passionate about my creative pursuits and the hope of residuals (shall we say?) that I can so quickly overlook the needs right in front of my face.

It is probably too late to philosophize like this... but - man - God help me. God help us all to love, love, love... and to give, give, give... As my Mom loves to say: "Others, Lord, others"...

Anyway... I hope you all are having a great week. As my time in Nash is coming to a close for this year, I've been trying to squeeze in some Christmassy stuff this week. Christmas lights, a Christmas concert, a Christmas show... It has been terrific.

Okay... Way late. G'nite.

Friendship and Frozen Leftovers

Hey everyone!! Hope you had a good evening... Mine was okay. I've been working on stuff here at home... No trick-or-treating for me.

I am actually kicking myself for not going door to door, asking my neighbors for frozen leftovers rather than candy. As I am decidedly kitchen stupid, I don't get to enjoy home-cooked meals very often (so thank you, Brian and Jeaux, for Sunday! That was so good!!)

But, really, I wish I would have dressed up like -- I dunno -- something pitiful, grabbed some Ziploc containers, and hit the streets. Bambi eyes and all.

Oh well. Next year.

Anyway... I wanted to let you know that it was a huge joy to hear from so many of you this week, my birthday week. I often think about how blessed I am to have so many wonderful folks in my life. But, as I thought about it this week - as it relates to my birthday - I realized what a stinky friend I am so much of the time. I am AWFUL at remembering my friends' special days and the WORST at doing something about them even when I do remember.

I'm sure I could find lots of excuses, but selfishness comes in many forms and - at the end of the day - I just need to worry A LOT less about my own issues and care more for others. Sure, there is a reciprocal component to any relationship, but I know I have been guilty of pursuing friendships based on my perception of what the person could do for me... How he/she could make me feel... What kind of opportunities the friendship could afford me... That might be okay to a point, but if that is ALL it is... well... that's stinky.

Stinky, I tell you! Nigh unto heinous.

I think about my family, my longtime friends, my new friends... So many folks who would go (and have gone) out of their way to do any number of things for me... again and again and again... And, instead of getting out of my seat to give back... instead of being considerate of their needs and desires.... I'm just nice.

Goopy nice.

I know I'm a nice guy. And I like being around nice people. And it is important to be courteous and even affirming as much as possible, but that only goes so far... Depending on the situation, that may be just the starting point.

So, this Halloween, I am making a resolution to be more considerate, to invest a lot more of myself in family and friends... to strive for selflessness... to care less about public relations and care more for people... to dig in and DO... for the right reasons...

I feel busy a lot of the time. And I am pretty busy, I guess. But not THAT busy.

I need you people. And maybe there are a few of you who need me too. Well... I'll try to do better about being there for ya... even if you refuse to fill my Ziploc containers next Halloween.

Hold me to it, ya'll!

Much love...